Hey there, Internet!

So I realize that I kind of suck at keeping a blog. Luckily I'm writing for just myself, so there's really no reason to apologize since I'm really the only person who will read this. Anyway, a lot of things have happened since November 18, 2011. Basically the first part of December I lost my mind and was. . . hospitalized, for three days. I was in a ward, with older people that had mental problems, where I was kind of forced to think about my life and my problems, and come to terms with things. It was an okay experience. It was the first time I talked to an actual psychiatrist about my feelings and he diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder. A month later I came back for an appointment with the psychiatrist and he recommended that I start psychotherapy, so I started seeing a therapist every week for about a month. That helped too. He helped me focus on good things in my life and talked to me about setting goals and looking forward to reaching those goals. One of those goals I set was to get back to Texas, which I have accomplished. I received quite a bit of money back on my income tax check this year and with that money I moved back to Texas. Since being back I have been happier. Still stressed, because I'm not me without stress (I really wish I wouldn't stress as much, I just can't help it.) Oh, another thing that has changed since the last time I wrote anything on here. I have a boyfriend. My best friend Nikk asked me out on New Years and since then we've been together. I'm really happy with him. He's been one of the only people in my life to always accept me for who I am. He understands that I stress and he's always there to help me feel better. He makes me feel loved every day and I'm so thankful that we decided to give this a shot. So before this turns into an "Ashley loves her boyfriend soooo much" blog I'm going to go. So until next time random person who will come across this, until next time.

Life and other things.

Wow! I haven't posted anything since June! I guess I've missed updating about tons of stuff and now I don't know where to begin. Since my last post I've gone to London, come back home, worked a lot, applied and got accepted into AUM, worked a lot. Okay, maybe I haven't done THAT much, but it feels like it.

I guess I'll start with the most recent. One night I was on the computer and randomly decided that I wanted to go to college. I didn't think much about it, I just typed in AUM.edu and put in my application. I then shot an email to the high school I graduated from and told them that I needed my transcripts sent to AUM. About two weeks later I got my acceptance package in the mail. Since then I've had a meeting with my academic adviser and registered for classes. On January 9, 2012 I will walk back into school with my head held high. I'm extremely nervous about this because I haven't been to school since 2008. I feel like my IQ has dropped and I'm not as smart as I used to be. Instead of knowing all the literary jargon I shoved into my brain senior year my brain is now full of SKU numbers and other things. But I know that will the help of my family and some smart friends I can get through this!

On to other things. Here within the last 3 weeks or so I've been following the OWS movement. I've taken it upon myself to get educated on what's been going on with this country and even around the world. A guy I watch on YouTube (Myles Dyer/blade376) inspired me to do my own research and inform myself. To quote him "Question everything and everyone." A lot of people I know are siding against the movement. What they don't seem to realize is that the protesters aren't just a bunch of college students or hippies looking for a free handouts. Many of them are people who are tired of working day in and day out just to come home broke. I could turn a blind eye and not worry about it. I live a comfortable life. I don't get everything I want, but I work hard to make sure I have everything I need. I hate my job, but I'm still there because it supplies me with health, dental, and vision insurance, a 401k plan, and it gives me gas money. I choose to not be apathetic towards other people's situations. I choose to let what happens in the world break my heart day after day. When you research (actually research and not just go by what mainstream media says) then you see that the people who are out there protesting actually have valid points. They want to see change. Sure they don't have the solutions, but the doesn't mean that they shouldn't be able to protest. They're out there to draw attention to a matter that the politicians have been ignoring.

Okay, getting off my soapbox for now. I guess that's what has been on my mind the past couple days.

Be Calm.

Apathy has set in really bad lately. I'm not sure if it's the medicine I'm taking or just because I'm so exhausted, but to be honest it's hard for me to really feel emotion. Some days I like it, but it kind of has me scared. I'm happy that I don't have as much anxiety as I have, but I would like to feel something, anything really.

Speaking of anxiety, I had small attack today. I think I handled it well. My chest started hurting and I wanted to cry for no reason, but I got through it without dying. It was the first attack I've had in like a month or so. I hate feeling like I'm crazy or that something is wrong with me. I also hate knowing that I haven't been able to shake this on my own and so I'm having to take medicine every day just to help me get out of bed and face the world with a brave smile.

So that's enough talk about me being crazy and stuff. Let's see here, I saw my mom for the first time in forever the other day! I can't wait until I spend a week with her. THEN going to London. A month can't pass fast enough! I'm just ready to get away from everything for a while. I'm tired and just need time to myself. Anyway, I think this is all I'm going to type for now. I don't know. I'm bored already with writing down my thoughts and trying to communicate how I feel and such. Blah! :)

I leave you with a song I've been pretty much obsessed with lately.

fun. "Be Calm"

If you don't let it our you're gonna let it eat you away.

Lately I've been finding myself in weird moods. Like extremely happy and extremely sad at the same time. I'm fine with how everything in my life is going, but I wish there were some things that were different. A big majority of the time I feel like I'm one big blob of monotony, and other times I can't control what's going on, what I'm thinking; everything comes out at once. My life is one big balancing act. One small thing in either direction and I crack. I guess there's more crazy talk to save for my doctor. I think that's part of the problem, I feel weird being on antidepressants. Like kind of ashamed that I couldn't take care of my own problems by myself. But then again, we can't always carry the burden ourselves. Who knows.

Anyway, Sunday the 29th would have been Alyssa's 21st birthday. I can't believe it! The last time I saw her we were both 19 years old and pretty naive. I guess nothing much has changed for me. I wish I had her attitude some days. She was probably one of the strongest people I've ever known and without her I wouldn't be here today. She held me up every time I felt like falling. I think really only one other person knows how I feel about all that. We've been trying to hold each other up lately and it's kind of working, but I know it would be better if Alyssa were here. I mean, you can't have AAA without all of us. Anyway, I think Sunday I'm just going to think about Alyssa and how wonderful of a friend she was, and still is. I feel her presence at the most random times. It's kind of comforting.

So I just felt like writing about nothing. Here, listen to some Nine Days. . .

Heavy heart on the boulevard tonight. . .

It's been around a month since my last blog post! How did I let all this time slip by? Anyway not much is new around here. Umm, let's see here. I never mentioned much about my follow up with the doctor, so yeah. I went for an Echo test and got the results a while ago. Turns out that yes one of my major arteries is leaking causing my heart to make a boom-whoosh sound. It's not terrible, just something they're going to monitor from here on out. Other than that everything is amazing. The medicine he put me on is finally helping. I switched from taking it during the day to taking it at night and that's made a big improvement. I'm not wanting to scream at people during the day and I've noticed that I'm a lot calmer than I usually am, I don't stress as much, and I sleep a little better.

I did something somewhat exciting over the weekend. Since I've kind of adopted the "live life to the fullest" motto I decided to follow through. I fell from 200 feet the other day and swung forever on a cable, strapped in with a harness. It was something definitely out of character for me, but it was a blast and something I would do in the future. I felt truly alive during that and it was an amazing feeling!

Only 3 more payments left on my London trip. I got my passport in about 2-3 weeks ago, so after May 13th I'm ready to go! I just wish that July would hurry up and get here!! But then again I don't want it here so quick because I have Panic!(and China and Steph) to go meet in May and my sister's graduation to attend in June. I can't believe that we're 4 months into this year, where has all the time gone? They really weren't joking when they said that time flies when you get older.

So, I think that's all I'm going to write for now.



I got so sick of being on my own
Now the devil won't leave me alone
It's almost like I found a friend
Who's in it for the bitter end

Our consciences
Are always so much heavier than our egos
I set my expectations high
So nothing ever comes out right

So shoot a star on a boulevard tonight
I think I'll figure it out
With a little more time
But who needs time

Turn off the lights, turn off the lights
Turn on the charm for me tonight.
I got my heavy heart to hold me down
Once it falls apart,my head's in the clouds
So I'm taking every chance I got
Like the man I know I'm not

So sick of wasting all my time
How in God's name did I survive?
I need a little sympathy
Disarm my insecurities

Our consciences
Are always so much heavier than our egos
I set my expectations high
So nothing ever comes out right

So shoot a star on a boulevard tonight
I think I'll figure it out
With a little more time
But who needs time

Turn off the lights, turn off the lights
Turn on the charm for me tonight.
I got my heavy heart to hold me down
Once it falls apart,my head's in the clouds
So I'm taking every chance I got
Like the man I know I'm not

A heavy heart on the boulevard tonight
Shooting stars watch me fall apart tonight.

Turn off the lights, turn off the lights
Turn on the charm for me tonight.
I got my heavy heart to hold me down
Once it falls apart,my head's in the clouds
So I'm taking every chance I got
Like the man I know I'm not

Insomnia 101

So, here it is almost 3:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I have to be up at 9 so I can be at work by 10. It's going to be a long week, I can already tell.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the people in my life. When you're feeling down it's always nice to think about how many people you have supporting you. A majority of my supporters live no where around me. Besides my family here in Alabama the closest one is on the other side of Georgia. These people lift me up and are there for me every day. Any time I need to vent, or cry, or share something amazing, they are there. I know that I am loved and that God put them there to show me I'm never alone. I can conquer the world because I have the most amazing supportive friends and family. I'm going through a tough time right now, but I know that I can make it through. I know life is worth living. It may take some time, but I'll get there eventually.

Speaking of things lifting my spirits, I get to FINALLY meet my best friend!! I've known her since 2008 and in May we'll be meeting each other for the first time. She's definitely been there for me through thick and thin. We met through Panic! at the Disco's fan club Northern Downpour and I guess because of our shared obsession with the band we became good friends. Back in 2009 when I was going through some things she was constantly there for me. I can't thank her enough for being putting up with my late night phone calls and texts. Anyway, in May Panic! is coming to Atlanta and we're both going! I'm so excited and I can't wait!!!

I look back at my late night ramblings sometimes and wonder why I started writing in the first place. I think this is the only time I've actually thought about it while typing. I'm pretty sure none of this is making any sense to anyone but me. Oh well :)

So I think bed definitely a possibility now. Goodwhatever to anyone reading this.

Therapy.

This song sums up everything.


This is something that I hardly ever talk about casually. I usually tend to keep this topic to myself and those who I know I can trust and I feel comfortable with. Right now at this moment I feel the need to just tell the world about my situation, as I'm coming a little more comfortable with it. And besides I doubt hardly anyone reads this thing anyway, so why not?

Anyway, I touched on this in my last blog; my doctor's visit. I didn't go just because of the headaches. For a while now I've been feeling depressed. And I know what most people think: "Ashley, you seem happy all the time. How can you be depressed?" Well the truth is, I know how to put on a brave face. I know how to blend in and not be noticed. I know how to smile even though I feel like breaking down. I also have anxiety/panic attacks on a regular basis and some days I don't even want to get out of bed. So yeah, I'm loony, insane, mad. I'm depressed.

When I saw the doctor he prescribed me some medicine and also referred me to a counselor. I'm nervous about that. I hate talking about myself, my problems, my life. And to know that I'm going to have to spend like an hour or whatever talking about those things scares me. To have to face everything that bothers me and work through everything is like a nightmare. But I know that this is something I have to do. To truly enjoy life I have to get past the things holding me down. That's what I'm going to do. Get rid of all the demons in my closet. Start over. Become a better person. Because do you know what? I deserve it.

I. Need. Sleep.

Lately I feel like I've been running on empty. It takes me forever to fall asleep and then once I'm gone I don't want to get up.

Anyway, enough about that.

I've been having headaches for just about 2 weeks now. And not just normal headaches, but an annoying hurt that sometimes turns into an OMG-ouch-light-hurts-don't-make-a-loud-noise migraine. I went to a doctor yesterday and he said that it sounds like tension headaches that turn into migraines. So he's prescribing me some medicine to help with that. He also noticed that I had heart palpitations listed as a symptom I was having and when he listened to my heart he said it sounded like there was something leaking. I go back in about two weeks to have an Echo test done.

On a brighter note, only about 130 days until London. Holy crap I can't wait! I'm just so ready to get away from my monotonous life it's not even funny. I want to go exploring a spend a week around an accent that I'm absolutely in love with. See the homeland of my favorite show (Doctor Who)and my favorite classic rock band (Queen). I want to bring back stories that no one else in my family can tell. I want to come back a changed person who has experienced something amazing.

So I think dinner is almost ready, we're having lasagna tonight. So I'm going to wrap this up, go eat, and try to go to bed. Then wake up and go to my job that's paying for my much anticipated trip.

Yes, I am a Panic! At the Disco fangirl. . .

And I'm really not ashamed of it. I get ecstatic when I find out they're releasing new stuff. I've been watching "The Ballad of Mona Lisa" for the past hour now, I've been listening to that song since it got leaked. I'm still not tired of it. Every time I hear it, it still sounds so new. I'm sure once I get "Vices & Virtues" I'll find some other song to be my favorite, but for now this will have to suffice.

Anyway, so Panic! has been my favorite band since 2006. I used to have my MySpace all decked out in Panic! stuff. They've definitely been a big part of my life. In 2008 I joined Northern Downpour, their official fan club. I joined because I love their music and since joining I've met some of the most wonderful people. Those people have been there for me just like Panic!'s music, in good times and bad. I can't really put into words how much that means to me.

I'm patiently waiting for the new album (patience is a virtue haha :P) and in the mean time I'm going to fan girl about every little thing, because I can and I know that there are others out there doing the same thing. So I don't really know why I'm writing this, probably just to give me something to do until I decide to go to sleep. I guess it's only fitting that I leave whoever may be reading this with "The Ballad of Mona Lisa", enjoy! :)

Panic! At The Disco - New Music - More Music Videos

Panic!

February 1st. Only a few days left until the first single off of Panic's new album will be released. Like so many other fans I've been waiting for this moment for what seems like an eternity. For anybody who doesn't know Panic! At the Disco is my favorite band. They haven't released an album since "Pretty.Odd." and that was in 2008. I heard the 30 second clip of "The Ballad of Mona Lisa" today and I thought it was the best thing ever. I heard that the new album was going to sound a lot like AFYCSO, but after hearing that 30 seconds I think it will stand on it's own. I'm not sure if it's Spencer's drumming, or maybe it was a more mature sound in Brendon's voice, but it just sounds so different, and in a good way.

I'm also excited that Shane Drake is back as director for this video. He did the "IWSNT" and "NITA" videos and they were amazing, I can't wait to see what he's done with this song.

I was going to put in my whole Panic! story and tell everyone how much I love them because if not for them, their music, and Brendon's adorkable-ness, I wouldn't have my amazing NDP friends, but I think everyone knows about that.

So, since I'm about to pass out over here I think I should call it quits for the night. This time tomorrow the countdown for my birthday will be on. 21, woo! I leave you with the 30 second clip of "Mona Lisa", goodnight!

Short Blog!

This week is already a total fail. Yesterday my car wouldn't start and when I got home I found out that the timing belt broke and it's going to cost money I don't have to fix it. I've been feeling ill the past 4 days, and I'm just in a mood to curl up in bed and never leave my room. I feel like I'm more pessimistic than usual. A good thing to do when I'm in this kind of mood is to figure out one thing that makes my life brilliant. This week it's knowing that I'm half way through paying for the London trip. That one week away from everything I know has me so excited. I've never been adventurous, just really cautious, so deciding on a whim that I wanted to do this and not backing out of it is really amazing.

Work is work, not much new going on there. I cut my finger yesterday with a box cutter. Working at HFT has definitely left me with some battle scars.

Yeah, so this has been a pretty short blog. I just felt like writing something. Or maybe I'm just procrastinating. I have a load of laundry that needs to be put up. I should really get to that so it doesn't sit in the basket for days.

I'll end this with the opening credits to Roswell.

What was I going to put here?

I'm not really sure what to write today. I feel like I'm becoming repetitive and I don't like that. Let's see here. Today I woke up, dropped D off at work, went to the probate office, went to work, picked D up from work, did a little shopping for NuNu's birthday, came home and watched a bunch of videos. Wow, what an exciting life I live. I've started watching Roswell again because of a blow up alien I received in the mail. Thank God for Netflix :)

I really need to finish my novel. I haven't touched it since November 28 when I hit 50k words. I think one more chapter should finish it and then I can go back and edit. I'm already starting to get ideas about next November. I'm actually going to do research on this one and have a set plan going in. This whole winging it thing makes for a pretty crappy book. But, (paraphrasing what John Green said)the first draft of your novel will be nothing like the finished product. There's no telling what can happen when I go edit. The whole story may change. When I get more comfortable with what I have I might decide to let other people read it, but for now I know that it's not that great and I don't want to put anybody through that kind of torture.

So yeah, I think that's it for today. I leave you tonight with a quote from William Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet"

"I talk of dreams, which are the children of an idle brain" - Mercutio

Hola!!

Como estas?

Yeah, enough Spanish.

Now on to more ramblings!!!

Life has been uneventful the past couple of days. I seriously think I've just worked since my last blog. That's all I ever do anymore, work, eat, and sleep. I'm going to try to make this blog a priority this year, just because I want to document just about everything in my life. I'm also planning on starting a vlog on YouTube. I just need to know if my computer will handle video editing or if I'll just end up with out of sync videos all the time.

So, my favorite pair of jeans has had it. I noticed today that they're getting really worn and I think it's about time to throw them away. Which is sad because they're my only loose pair of jean s. They're comfortable, I just got them broken in. I guess all things in life have to end eventually. RIP Favorite Jeans. You will be missed on days when I feel like no other jeans fit. May you have an amazing afterlife in my garbage.

Income tax season is here. I'm waiting on my W2's so I can do my taxes and get that refund money back. I have decided that this year I'm going to get a new tattoo and that's it. The rest of the money will be put back and saved for a rainy day. Or my trip to London. Or anything else that might come up. All in all I WILL NOT blow this refund on one thing. Maturity ftw!

Speaking of maturity (or lack thereof), I'm turning 21 in 15 days! How about that? I've been trying to figure out exactly what I want to do for my birthday. I told D and Dad that I wanted another giant cookie, but this time I want the TARDIS on it. Yeah, I'm not obsessed with Doctor Who or anything. . . .

So that's it for now. I feel like I always ramble too much when I write these things. I guess tonight I'll leave whoever may be reading this with "New Perspective" by Panic! at the Disco. Later Loves!

HELLO WORLD!! And Welcome to 2011!

2010 was quite a year. I got a new job, signed up for a trip to London, and wrote 50,000 words in 30 days. I became obsessed with Doctor Who and all things DFTBA. I've made new friends and still managed to somewhat keep in touch with old ones. I lost some weight (still trying to lose a few more pounds), and I've become me. I think this year I'm going to be the happiest I've ever been, or so I hope.

Resolutions:
- Eat healthier
- Run at least 5 days a week
- Visit places I've never been
- Donate more often to charities
- Go back to college
- Become a better person

There's nothing too special about my resolutions this year. I think they are pretty much what most people say they're going to do. Here's to hoping I can stick to them.

Things I'm excited for:
- LONDON (hey! look one resolution taken care of!)
- Doctor Who Series 6
- Panic! At the Disco's new album
- Possibly meeting on of my bestest friends! (That would be you Steph)


With 2010 out of here and the new year beginning all I can say is that I'm excited to see what's in store for me. I'm at the point in my life where I feel completely happy with who I am. The past has been rough. I've loved and I've lost. That's not stopping me from being optimistic. Sitting there and wallowing over the past is pointless. Something I've learned is that it's better to just pick up the pieces and move on. Rule #32 in Zombieland, "Enjoy the little things", they make life worth living :)

Anyway, if you read that late night rambling by your's truly, kudos! Here's a nonexistent cookie!

I leave you now with a song by Skyway Flyer. Enjoy!

I'm better off when I hit the bottom. . .

I've got to get up for work in about 5 hours but I just had to write. Instead of putting that sudden urge into NaNoWriMo I decided I'd write in my blog again.

It is officially one hour into the month of November. This year has gone by way too fast. I don't know if that's a good thing or if I should be worried that time is slipping away from me. I was working yesterday and totally zoned out for a good 5 minutes. It wasn't until a co-worker noticed that I noticed and that's generally not a good thing. I think I'm just tired. I have a 5 day work week this week and then I'll have my mini-vacation. I can't wait to sit around bored to death! Actually I'm sure those days will be spent trying to finish my 50,000 word novel.

I went to a Halloween party last night dressed as Robin Hood. That was pretty fun. NuNu dressed up as Michael Jackson, Monty was a vampire rapper, D put a pot on her head and went as a pot-head. We're a crazy family, but we sure do have fun. We came home and spent the rest of the night watching Ghost Adventures until we fell asleep.

Today Michael and I went and saw Paranormal Activity 2. It was way better than the first one! I loved it. I'm not going to see another movie until Deathly Hallows comes out. I don't really have the money to. I've gotta go to the doctor and optometrist next week. Fun stuff.

I guess I can wrap it up by saying that I really understand Paramore's lyrics to "Turn it Off" at this point in my life. When that album came out last year I had no idea who I was or what I really wanted to do with my life. I was lost and confused and I was literally rock bottom. I came so close to giving up and not living. It only became worse after Alyssa passed. With some faith, help from some really awesome friends and, I hate to say this because it makes me look lame, Nerdfighteria, I actually found meaning. I know that I'm awesome and I've got something to contribute to this world. I know what your thinking "Ashley, how does that tie in with the lyrics?". . . well this is how.

And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We're heading for a cliff
And in the free fall I will realize
I'm better off when I hit the bottom

Before my life could get better I had to know what it was like to be at the bottom. And of course when you hit bottom there is only one direction to go. UP! I'm not saying that I'm completely better or I'm so confident now. I still have my problems and I know I'm a work in progress. I'm okay being imperfect. All that means is I'm human. And not only am I human, but I'm living. Not just breathing, but actually going out into the world. Trying to make a difference and helping people I don't even know.

That's all for me right now. Tomorrow all my spare time will be taken up with trying to write my novel. Wish me luck!

Work, work, work, and.... fire?

Told you that I'd have something fun to talk about when I got a job :)

I went in at around 8:30 today. I was so excited because today I FINALLY got my employee number (I wanted it so bad because then I could have my own register). I got it, opened up my register, took a couple customers when my boss came up to me and my coworker saying the front cashier area needed to be reorganized. Who got to do that awesome job? -ME- (btw "awesome" is used with deep sarcasm). First thing to do, take everything off the shelves and clean them. Then I had to go to the back and bring boxes full of advertisements up to the front, organize them, take some of the advertisements out, all that fun stuff. I started this job at around 9ish and didn't get finished until three. Within that time period I had to change the way it looked about three times. It was not fun at all. I think I have a bond with the floor now.

After that I got to play on the register some. I closed it out at around 4:30. (Go me, I was only a nickel over).

This is when work gets fun and interesting. I was in the back corner (aisle 2, where the locks are). I was facing the wall and making sure everything was looking good for the next morning. Around this time the lights started to flicker real bad. I didn't think much of it, just thought maybe they were going out or something. I was about 15 feet away from the storage room when one of the guys came out to tell another guy there were flames. The other guy went in there expecting something small. Next thing I know I hear a BOOM and the two guys come flying out of there. We had to evacuate the store and in around a minute the fire department was there. Turns out our breaker box exploded. We're now shut down until we can fix it. Everyone was okay, I think we all had adrenaline pumping through our veins and we were actually kind of excited about it. . .

So, now I'm home. About to eat dinner. Take a shower, and relax. It's been a long day.

Blog+Song

Don't you love it when you don't want to do something but God is making you do it anyway? That's what I'm going through right now. I got offered a job yesterday at Harbor Freight Tools. I don't want the job because I have no interest in selling tools at all. BUT since they were the only people out of around 20 applications to call me back, interview me, and all I'm taking it as that's where God wants me to be. I don't know why He would want me to sell tools, but that's His plan.

I am very grateful that He gave me this job. He did the same thing after I dropped out of college. Then I was hopeless. I wanted a career as a photographer, but I didn't have the money to do it. What happened? Garcia's finished remodeling that building and they were looking for waitresses. All I did was go in and ask for an application and I got that job. Granted this time around it took me months to find a job, but I believe it's still the same concept. I was nervous when I started working at Garcia's. I had never waited tables in a restaurant before and I was so scared that I'd be carrying a tray full of food and drop it everywhere, but I put my trust in God and He rewarded me with very few and minor mistakes. That's what's going to happen now. He got me this job, and I'm going to do it to the best of my ability and know that He is standing right there with me.

So, now that I'll be working maybe I'll have some fun and interesting stories to post :) I'm going to leave you with not a quote, but a song. Enjoy!

Pedro the Lion- Lullaby

I'm not sure what to put here. . .

I had an interview today. It was my 2nd one with that place, and I think I might get the job. Not sure though. I still need to call the movie theater and see if my application has been reviewed and all that good stuff.

So, this weekend was pretty good. Saturday morning I left with D and the boys to Mississippi for her nephews graduation. His class consisted of 257 students, a lot more than my graduating class. It was the first time that I met her family. Everything went pretty good. My only complaint (other than the mosquitoes and heat) was the constant "No way you're twenty" remarks. But I get that all the time so I shouldn't even let it bother me. I know that women tend to admire knowing they look younger than what they are, but when you're 20 years old and get told that you look anywhere from 13-16 it kind of makes slightly uncomfortable. I feel like people don't take me seriously at times because of my height and high pitched voice. But then again the look on people's faces when I tell them my age and go on about something important is always great.

Anyway, we spent all day in that general area. We left a little before 4:30am that morning and didn't get back until a little before 11 that night. It was a long trip! We got back and I was out cold at around midnight. I slept for 15 hours, woke up and felt like I still needed some sleep. Road trips definitely take their toll.

My Northern Downpour Letter Project will kick off sometime this week. I just need to get the letter in the mail and wait. There are 15(maybe 16, idk) girls doing it. I'm super excited about it.

Well this is it for me for now. I think a nap is calling my name later. So until next time!
<3

Shamble Bobble Dibble Dooble...

Since I'm up and have time to kill I figured I'd blog.

Lately the internet has been a very boring place for me. Nothing is holding my interest. I think I'm so eager to get out in the world again (get a job/go back to school) that I can't focus on anything else. Since living here I've put in many applications. Out of all those applications I've gotten 1 interview and still no job. It's aggravating.

On a lighter note I can't wait for the next episode of Doctor Who. It's going to be good as always. Charlie McDonnell (charlieissocoollike) wrote in his last blog that he knows someone who has seen the rest of the season. Apparently Matt Smith will give his best performance towards the end of the season. Since I started watching at series 1 I only have 2 other Doctors to compare Matt Smith's to (Christopher Eccleston and David Tennant). I think David will always be my favorite, but there's something about Matt. The Doctor is a clever character. David brought out this cleverness by being everywhere (it seemed) whereas Matt's Doctor is more sly. When he figures something out he just gives a little smile.

So, I've run out of things to talk about. I guess this blog is about me wanting a job and Doctor Who. Fun stuff. Anyway, I'm going to leave you with a Doctor Who quote just to complete this.

"I'm stuck...on Earth like....like an ordinary person. Like a human! How rubbish is that? Sorry, no offense. But come on! "

-The Doctor

"The Poison Sky"

ep. 5 series 4

Serious Stuff

Lately I've been a generally happy person. I'm beginning to be more optimistic, I'm starting to believe in myself once again, things are finally starting to come together. There's only one thing that ever gets me down anymore. I miss my best friend, I miss Alyssa. I'm sure anyone reading this knows what happened to her. I'm at the point where I think I want to move on, but I just can't. The reason why I bring this up right now is because it just hit me that in 10 days (May 29th) she would have been 20.(She's also been gone for 5 months) She was so young and had so much promise.

Alyssa and Me - March 2009

Some people who knew her always thought that she wasn't exactly the best person out there. To me she was the most amazing friend anyone could have. We would talk about why our friendship was so good as it was and we decided that it was because we didn't judge each other. There would be some nights after work that I would be so stressed out. One night when I was spending the night with her we laid in her bed, ate flaming hot cheetos, watched Rob & Big, and talked about how stupid boys were and how stupid we were for liking the ones we did. We'd talk about writing and how smart the people who invented it were (because seriously, how did they know "r" made that noise?). We were amazed at how clean the windows were at Cotton Patch.

Some of the best times included Amanda. Together the three of us made AAA. We would sit in Garcia's singing Britney Spears song (we all love "Lucky"). Amanda joined our conversations about boys. Those were happy times. I'm not sure if this blog is really going anywhere, or if it makes any sense (I'm sure my grammar is terrible), but I feel this is stuff that I just need to get out there. If you're reading this I'm sorry for being a downer. I'll be posting another blog in a couple days that should be more uplifting than this one. My ending quote today is going to be something that she always said:

"we can close our eyes to the things we do not wanna see, but we cannot close our hearts to the things we do not wanna feel"

-Alyssa Michelle Fierro

May 29, 1990-Dec 18, 2009