Lately I've been finding myself in weird moods. Like extremely happy and extremely sad at the same time. I'm fine with how everything in my life is going, but I wish there were some things that were different. A big majority of the time I feel like I'm one big blob of monotony, and other times I can't control what's going on, what I'm thinking; everything comes out at once. My life is one big balancing act. One small thing in either direction and I crack. I guess there's more crazy talk to save for my doctor. I think that's part of the problem, I feel weird being on antidepressants. Like kind of ashamed that I couldn't take care of my own problems by myself. But then again, we can't always carry the burden ourselves. Who knows.
Anyway, Sunday the 29th would have been Alyssa's 21st birthday. I can't believe it! The last time I saw her we were both 19 years old and pretty naive. I guess nothing much has changed for me. I wish I had her attitude some days. She was probably one of the strongest people I've ever known and without her I wouldn't be here today. She held me up every time I felt like falling. I think really only one other person knows how I feel about all that. We've been trying to hold each other up lately and it's kind of working, but I know it would be better if Alyssa were here. I mean, you can't have AAA without all of us. Anyway, I think Sunday I'm just going to think about Alyssa and how wonderful of a friend she was, and still is. I feel her presence at the most random times. It's kind of comforting.
So I just felt like writing about nothing. Here, listen to some Nine Days. . .
