I'm better off when I hit the bottom. . .

I've got to get up for work in about 5 hours but I just had to write. Instead of putting that sudden urge into NaNoWriMo I decided I'd write in my blog again.

It is officially one hour into the month of November. This year has gone by way too fast. I don't know if that's a good thing or if I should be worried that time is slipping away from me. I was working yesterday and totally zoned out for a good 5 minutes. It wasn't until a co-worker noticed that I noticed and that's generally not a good thing. I think I'm just tired. I have a 5 day work week this week and then I'll have my mini-vacation. I can't wait to sit around bored to death! Actually I'm sure those days will be spent trying to finish my 50,000 word novel.

I went to a Halloween party last night dressed as Robin Hood. That was pretty fun. NuNu dressed up as Michael Jackson, Monty was a vampire rapper, D put a pot on her head and went as a pot-head. We're a crazy family, but we sure do have fun. We came home and spent the rest of the night watching Ghost Adventures until we fell asleep.

Today Michael and I went and saw Paranormal Activity 2. It was way better than the first one! I loved it. I'm not going to see another movie until Deathly Hallows comes out. I don't really have the money to. I've gotta go to the doctor and optometrist next week. Fun stuff.

I guess I can wrap it up by saying that I really understand Paramore's lyrics to "Turn it Off" at this point in my life. When that album came out last year I had no idea who I was or what I really wanted to do with my life. I was lost and confused and I was literally rock bottom. I came so close to giving up and not living. It only became worse after Alyssa passed. With some faith, help from some really awesome friends and, I hate to say this because it makes me look lame, Nerdfighteria, I actually found meaning. I know that I'm awesome and I've got something to contribute to this world. I know what your thinking "Ashley, how does that tie in with the lyrics?". . . well this is how.

And the worst part is
Before it gets any better
We're heading for a cliff
And in the free fall I will realize
I'm better off when I hit the bottom

Before my life could get better I had to know what it was like to be at the bottom. And of course when you hit bottom there is only one direction to go. UP! I'm not saying that I'm completely better or I'm so confident now. I still have my problems and I know I'm a work in progress. I'm okay being imperfect. All that means is I'm human. And not only am I human, but I'm living. Not just breathing, but actually going out into the world. Trying to make a difference and helping people I don't even know.

That's all for me right now. Tomorrow all my spare time will be taken up with trying to write my novel. Wish me luck!

Work, work, work, and.... fire?

Told you that I'd have something fun to talk about when I got a job :)

I went in at around 8:30 today. I was so excited because today I FINALLY got my employee number (I wanted it so bad because then I could have my own register). I got it, opened up my register, took a couple customers when my boss came up to me and my coworker saying the front cashier area needed to be reorganized. Who got to do that awesome job? -ME- (btw "awesome" is used with deep sarcasm). First thing to do, take everything off the shelves and clean them. Then I had to go to the back and bring boxes full of advertisements up to the front, organize them, take some of the advertisements out, all that fun stuff. I started this job at around 9ish and didn't get finished until three. Within that time period I had to change the way it looked about three times. It was not fun at all. I think I have a bond with the floor now.

After that I got to play on the register some. I closed it out at around 4:30. (Go me, I was only a nickel over).

This is when work gets fun and interesting. I was in the back corner (aisle 2, where the locks are). I was facing the wall and making sure everything was looking good for the next morning. Around this time the lights started to flicker real bad. I didn't think much of it, just thought maybe they were going out or something. I was about 15 feet away from the storage room when one of the guys came out to tell another guy there were flames. The other guy went in there expecting something small. Next thing I know I hear a BOOM and the two guys come flying out of there. We had to evacuate the store and in around a minute the fire department was there. Turns out our breaker box exploded. We're now shut down until we can fix it. Everyone was okay, I think we all had adrenaline pumping through our veins and we were actually kind of excited about it. . .

So, now I'm home. About to eat dinner. Take a shower, and relax. It's been a long day.

Blog+Song

Don't you love it when you don't want to do something but God is making you do it anyway? That's what I'm going through right now. I got offered a job yesterday at Harbor Freight Tools. I don't want the job because I have no interest in selling tools at all. BUT since they were the only people out of around 20 applications to call me back, interview me, and all I'm taking it as that's where God wants me to be. I don't know why He would want me to sell tools, but that's His plan.

I am very grateful that He gave me this job. He did the same thing after I dropped out of college. Then I was hopeless. I wanted a career as a photographer, but I didn't have the money to do it. What happened? Garcia's finished remodeling that building and they were looking for waitresses. All I did was go in and ask for an application and I got that job. Granted this time around it took me months to find a job, but I believe it's still the same concept. I was nervous when I started working at Garcia's. I had never waited tables in a restaurant before and I was so scared that I'd be carrying a tray full of food and drop it everywhere, but I put my trust in God and He rewarded me with very few and minor mistakes. That's what's going to happen now. He got me this job, and I'm going to do it to the best of my ability and know that He is standing right there with me.

So, now that I'll be working maybe I'll have some fun and interesting stories to post :) I'm going to leave you with not a quote, but a song. Enjoy!

Pedro the Lion- Lullaby

I'm not sure what to put here. . .

I had an interview today. It was my 2nd one with that place, and I think I might get the job. Not sure though. I still need to call the movie theater and see if my application has been reviewed and all that good stuff.

So, this weekend was pretty good. Saturday morning I left with D and the boys to Mississippi for her nephews graduation. His class consisted of 257 students, a lot more than my graduating class. It was the first time that I met her family. Everything went pretty good. My only complaint (other than the mosquitoes and heat) was the constant "No way you're twenty" remarks. But I get that all the time so I shouldn't even let it bother me. I know that women tend to admire knowing they look younger than what they are, but when you're 20 years old and get told that you look anywhere from 13-16 it kind of makes slightly uncomfortable. I feel like people don't take me seriously at times because of my height and high pitched voice. But then again the look on people's faces when I tell them my age and go on about something important is always great.

Anyway, we spent all day in that general area. We left a little before 4:30am that morning and didn't get back until a little before 11 that night. It was a long trip! We got back and I was out cold at around midnight. I slept for 15 hours, woke up and felt like I still needed some sleep. Road trips definitely take their toll.

My Northern Downpour Letter Project will kick off sometime this week. I just need to get the letter in the mail and wait. There are 15(maybe 16, idk) girls doing it. I'm super excited about it.

Well this is it for me for now. I think a nap is calling my name later. So until next time!
<3

Shamble Bobble Dibble Dooble...

Since I'm up and have time to kill I figured I'd blog.

Lately the internet has been a very boring place for me. Nothing is holding my interest. I think I'm so eager to get out in the world again (get a job/go back to school) that I can't focus on anything else. Since living here I've put in many applications. Out of all those applications I've gotten 1 interview and still no job. It's aggravating.

On a lighter note I can't wait for the next episode of Doctor Who. It's going to be good as always. Charlie McDonnell (charlieissocoollike) wrote in his last blog that he knows someone who has seen the rest of the season. Apparently Matt Smith will give his best performance towards the end of the season. Since I started watching at series 1 I only have 2 other Doctors to compare Matt Smith's to (Christopher Eccleston and David Tennant). I think David will always be my favorite, but there's something about Matt. The Doctor is a clever character. David brought out this cleverness by being everywhere (it seemed) whereas Matt's Doctor is more sly. When he figures something out he just gives a little smile.

So, I've run out of things to talk about. I guess this blog is about me wanting a job and Doctor Who. Fun stuff. Anyway, I'm going to leave you with a Doctor Who quote just to complete this.

"I'm stuck...on Earth like....like an ordinary person. Like a human! How rubbish is that? Sorry, no offense. But come on! "

-The Doctor

"The Poison Sky"

ep. 5 series 4

Serious Stuff

Lately I've been a generally happy person. I'm beginning to be more optimistic, I'm starting to believe in myself once again, things are finally starting to come together. There's only one thing that ever gets me down anymore. I miss my best friend, I miss Alyssa. I'm sure anyone reading this knows what happened to her. I'm at the point where I think I want to move on, but I just can't. The reason why I bring this up right now is because it just hit me that in 10 days (May 29th) she would have been 20.(She's also been gone for 5 months) She was so young and had so much promise.

Alyssa and Me - March 2009

Some people who knew her always thought that she wasn't exactly the best person out there. To me she was the most amazing friend anyone could have. We would talk about why our friendship was so good as it was and we decided that it was because we didn't judge each other. There would be some nights after work that I would be so stressed out. One night when I was spending the night with her we laid in her bed, ate flaming hot cheetos, watched Rob & Big, and talked about how stupid boys were and how stupid we were for liking the ones we did. We'd talk about writing and how smart the people who invented it were (because seriously, how did they know "r" made that noise?). We were amazed at how clean the windows were at Cotton Patch.

Some of the best times included Amanda. Together the three of us made AAA. We would sit in Garcia's singing Britney Spears song (we all love "Lucky"). Amanda joined our conversations about boys. Those were happy times. I'm not sure if this blog is really going anywhere, or if it makes any sense (I'm sure my grammar is terrible), but I feel this is stuff that I just need to get out there. If you're reading this I'm sorry for being a downer. I'll be posting another blog in a couple days that should be more uplifting than this one. My ending quote today is going to be something that she always said:

"we can close our eyes to the things we do not wanna see, but we cannot close our hearts to the things we do not wanna feel"

-Alyssa Michelle Fierro

May 29, 1990-Dec 18, 2009

-Insert Title Here-

I'm sore today. Step aerobics really are a workout!

Today I went to my very first step aerobics class. I really felt the muscles that have been left alone for too long. Dionne and I plan on going to this class every Saturday just to get back into better shape. We have to feel the burn! I weighed myself today too. I was shocked to see that I have lost weight. I am now down to a good 122. Now my goal is inches and not necessarily pounds. I'm sure that if I keep up the step aerobics and going to the gym that I'll be where I want to be in no time.

This week has been uneventful (as usual). Yesterday I had chinese food with Michael, Dad and Dionne. Tried sushi for the first time... I don't really like it. Thank God for oranges, because that's what I cleansed my pallet with after trying it. After that we went to a new store called Citi Trends. I bought a cute blue dress. We went to another store where I bought a pretty pinkish-purplish dress. I'm trying to decide which one I should wear next week for Dionne's nephew's graduation. I've enlisted the help of a few people and so far the blue one has all the votes.

I also filled out a background check form for the movie theater. She said that it should take about a week, so I've filled out my application and plan on taking it back next week. I really hope I get the job. It'll give me something to do and my blogs won't sound the same all the time.

So, music. I love it. Here lately I've been listening to a lot of people signed onto DFTBA records. (I said that before, didn't I?) Mainly Alex Day, Chameleon Circuit (they sing Trock aka Time Lord Rock, song about the TV show Doctor Who), ALL CAPS, Tom Milsom, and Eddplant. Eddplant sang this one song on The Zone about a month ago that I instantly fell in love with. He said that it'll be on his next album, so now I'm waiting patiently for it. Charlie Mcdonnell is releasing his first album this summer. I can't wait for that. He's releasing it around the same time that Alex Day is releasing his new album. That one is going to be good!

I really feel like there should be more to this, but I can't think of anything interesting to talk about. Oh well. I'm going to leave you with a quote from one of John Green's videos that he posted this week.

"The Venn Diagram of boys who don't like smart girls and boys you don't want to date is a circle!"

Umm, intro?

I've joined everyone else. I've conformed and now I am writing a blog. So, if you're reading this chances are you know me. You could be someone I knew in school, someone I met online (if this is the case we met on Northern Downpour or through Nerdfighters), family, etc. No matter how you know me chances are you don't know everything about me. Actually, you don't. I don't even know everything about me. So, with that being said, I'm going to give you a list of facts about me. Maybe you know them, maybe you don't, maybe I'm wasting my time typing this out because no one will read it, but oh well.

Name: Ashley Mata

Age: 20

Birthday: Jan. 19, 1990

Birth Place: Amarillo, Texas

Mother: Donna (married to Mike)

Father: Steve (married to Dionne)

Siblings: Too many, if you want to know ask.

-Favorites-

Color: Red (even though I like them all)

Animal: Penguin

Music: Rock (all of it)

Movie: Nightmare Before Christmas

Website: YouTube

YouTuber: Alex Day (nerimon) and Charlie McDonnell (charlieissocoollike)

Organization: To Write Love On Her Arms

I'm sure there are more quick facts, but I just can't think of anything else.

"Don't blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink. Good Luck."

I'm sure a lot of you are probably wondering where I got the title "Don't Blink". It's named after a Doctor Who episode, "Blink", about weeping angels who steal time from you and instead of killing you they just send you back in time. It's more creepy than I can describe. Trust me, if you ever see that episode you will never look at angel statues the same way ever again. -shudders-

(yes, that is a face in hole picture of me and the 10th Doctor)

About my life right now: I live a very boring life. I have no job, I'm not going to school, I seriously don't do anything. It's not by choice though. If I had it my way I would be working to pay off Tarleton so I can go back to school, or they would already be paid off and I would be looking forward to school in the fall. I've FINALLY decided on a career choice and I think this one will stick. I want to go into nursing. A lot of people have been telling me they can see my as a nurse because apparently I have a caring nature (it's true, my heart is way too big). I have a plan. I want to go into nursing, become a registered nurse, and join the Peace Corps. There's something inside me saying this is the right move. I want to be put some place where I'm making a difference, helping people who can't help themselves. I believe that becoming a nurse and being sent over will help me accomplish that.

Anyway, I guess this is all I'm going to put in this post. I'll leave you with one of my all time favorite quotes :)

“To be nobody but yourself - in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you somebody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.” -e.e. cummings